At some point or another, we have all been there. We end up with a partner who has an imecapble resume. S/He is good looking, intelligent, career and family oriented. After the honeymoon period, we realize that the relationship is eating away at our self-esteem, leaving us feeling uneasy and ambivalent. We begin to ask ourelves questions such as: what's going on here, but we got a long sooo well in the beginning, did s/he really say that, why am I putting up with this? These uncomfortbale feelings and self doubt may be a sign that you in a Toxic Relationship.

What is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic realtionship leaves you:

Feeling bad about yourself, drained, uneasy, or uncomfortable

Feeling confused due to mixed messages

Feeling preoccupied or obsessed with your future and the future of the relationship

Feeling too emotional or needy for wanting to spend alone time with your partner

Feeling too analytic for wanting identify the discord or discuss the relationship issues

Feeling as if there is something wrong with you which needs to be fixed

Feeling that if you just hold on a little longer things will go back to the way they were in the beginning

Why do we put up with these relationships?

1. We Rationalize: We begin to make lots of excuses, and they usually begin with- BUT: But s/he is so stressed with work right now, But s/he didn't mean to say that s/he just had one too many beers, But s/he was just joking.

2. There are times when things are good: At times, our partner can be kind, caring, and charming. This behavior serves to offset our concerns and causes us to believe that things aren't that bad. If and when we contemplate breaking up with this person we think, "We had such a great time the other night. We were totally in sync. Maybe things are changing." These good times are few and far between, and they usually come around when your partner senses that you are questioning the relationship.

3. Optimism: We believe that when the right time comes along we will be able to work things out. The problem is, it is almost never the right time. Or, we discuss the issues all the time and believe that we are working on the relationship, yet no real change occurs.

4. Living in the past: In the beginning, things were great! As a couple, we had a great time together, really connected, and made some great memories. These memories serve to distort the real picture of what is going on. We hold on because we hope and pray that things will go back to the way they were.

5. Chemistry: We have great sexual chemistry with this person and mistake it for love.

6. Fear: At some level, whether we are aware of it or not, fear exists. It could be fear of: loss, failure, never finding someone, never finding someone better, putting ourselves back out on the dating scene. These fears hold us back from making decisions that honor our true selves and keep us from what we deserve.

Although toxic relationships can be difficult, we can work on them and through them. In part two of this article, you will find simple and practical solutions for your toxic relationship.