You probably thought your thought your life and your marriage were going along quite well. Yes, there were challenges and difficulties, but you really believed the good outweighed the bad. Through the ups and downs you hung in, hoping in time that your partner would see the light and decide to treat you with love and respect. You hoped in time that you would be able to live the dreams that you held precious in your heart of hearts.

Then came the ugly word DIVORCE. You were shocked! You cried. You pleaded. You begged for another chance, but the answer was still NO. Divorce papers were served. You were left picking up the pieces of a life you thought you shared.

So, now it's time to go forward. You read magazine articles, you gather books, you talk to your family and friends, you find a therapist, you join a support group and you buy new clothes. Through it all you may feel empty and alone, sometimes worthless, sometimes angry, sometimes scared of the future.

You find yourself wondering, "What does it take to really heal?" As a psychotherapist, I deal with people every day who are going through emotional pain like yours. I'm writing these healing steps for you, because I want you to know that the choices you make in this healing process will literally determine the quality of your future life.

1. Give yourself permission to grieve. Going through divorce is like grieving the death of your relationship, your dreams and your future together. Let yourself really feel the emotional pain and move through it naturally by journaling about your feelings and crying the tears that need to be cried.

2. Hold on to your intention to heal, forgive, and move forward. Divorce can be very painful for a time, but having the intention to forgive and move forward helps you to learn what you need to learn and start over in a new way, instead of being angry and bitter for the rest of your life! Remember that your divorce could be the best thing that ever happened to you if you choose to use it as an opportunity for emotional healing and personal growth.

3. Create a healthy support system of true friends who support your personal growth through this experience. Who you choose as friends at this time could easily make the difference between staying stuck in the anger and pain for the rest of your life or moving forward to create a whole new life for yourself! If you want a positive future, choose friends who help you grow!

Copyright © 2006 Kari Joys